I’ve had a fair bit of time now to reflect on my experience at paleo fx. Lots of others have done the same. And these reflections are full of delightful stories. They tend to revolve around love and community and empowerment, and I love that so much. I’m not sure how I feel about community formed through a diet — that feels a bit strange to me, and maybe a bit problematic — but I’m such a sucker for community and am so sad about it’s sparseness in this world that I’ll take it where I can get it.
So my paleo fx experience has a lot of resonance with those tales of love (with the diet? I heard about more than one impassioned tryst!). But its also of course just mine and was different for a few important reasons.
First — I went to paleo fx with a fair bit of apathy and resentment. That should come as a surprise. Aren’t we supposed to be head over heels for this sort of thing?
The thing is, however, that both of these things were kind of good for me. The apathy came from a place of finally letting go of my need to impress people, particularly the paleosphere. There’s a whole lot of pressure to maintain what Matt of Paleo Parents calls a “monster” — these blogs and communities that each of us advocates has built — and I’ve wrestled with that a lot in this past year. Particularly, my life on my blog used to fuel my social validation. If I could get another health advocate to like what I did, it was like being crowned queen of England for the day. It was a party. I thrived off of it. Later, it made me anxious. Finally, I figured out what was happening in my brain and I was able to let go. That meant that I could go to the conference and not freak out about making connections or what not. I could just go and have a good time because isn’t that what living is for?
I also went with resentment. Once I realized the way I had twisted my existence around my blog, I got indignant about it. Look at what you’ve done to my brain, health advocacy. And even while I let go of the vast majority of my anxiety about all of that perfectionism and being impressive stuff, I still had some anxiety going into the conference. And I lost a good week’s worth of sleep over it. It gave me stress acne. My work lagged. That pissed me off. Hard as I tried, I couldn’t shake my nerves. I arrived at the conference with pretty little motivation to be there.
But of course I loved it at the same time.
So I went and I had a pretty wonderful time. With my newfound apathy in my pocket, I was not actually upset, but rather liberated to enjoy what I wanted and how I wanted to. I rolled into the conference in the middle of the afternoon on a couple of the days. I went for walks outside the center. I actually only attended three talks outside of my own. But one of them was Robb Wolf‘s, and he talked a bit about anxiety. And talking about anxiety — well, it gives me anxiety. So I left. That makes 2.5 talks.
One thing I obviously love enormously about paleo fx is the community there. There’s a larger community — all of these people coming together because they have the same vision and so many lovely values in common — and then there’s the smaller community. I got to get closer to Stacy and Matt. I played roommate for four days with new Austin resident and all around baller Todd Dosenberry. I experienced the delight of finally meeting Abel‘s girlfriend Alyson who is a radiant delight in her own right. I got to laugh over campfires with Sean and George and Juli and Danielle and Chris and Emily. If you’re as plugged in to the paleo community as I am, then you know who these people are and probably suspect what a great time I had.
But even better was the community of women at this thing! Holy crap! The woman’s health panel was at eight forty five in the morning. That might be a good time for a lot of people. But it’s not for me. And it’s not for anyone who was up partying at the conference like I was. But still — the room for the panel was packed! Standing room only! Can you believe it? During the panel we laughed, we cried, we applauded. (Purchase a video recording for$5.99 here!) Afterwards I got to spend some quality time with some really stellar women talking about periods and sex and babies and life. It was awesome. One of the biggest honors of my recent life. Thank you, all of you I got to hang with. Those of you I can link to off the top of my head are Danielle and Kaila. Hugs, hugs, hugs.
Speaking of which. So. The panel. I didn’t get, of course, to say everything I would have liked. But some highlights include imploring women to love their hormonal fluctuations. To say yes to libido and no to restrictive behaviors that curb it. To tell women to have fierce pride and to flip society a giant nasty bird. And also coming out as a fruit junkie. I eat 50 percent fruit in my diet. What of it? My labs are good. I told the women there I eat six apples a day sometimes. That was a big confession — but even then a low ball estimate. The number sometimes can probably go up to twelve if that happens to be my only fruit for the day. So shoot me. What’s wrong with that? (Hint: that was a rhetorical question.)
I also got requested to speak over Nora Gedgaudus, one of the most elite of the paleo elite if there is such a thing (there isn’t because everyone is so down to earth.)
But just in case you were wondering, ladies, I have to pat myself on the back for that one. Our message is becoming pretty damn powerful. Don’t restrict carbs if it’s hurting your mental or physical health. Or any macronutrient, for that matter. That’s what the woman who asked for me to speak wanted. To affirm her desire to eat whatever macronutrients she wants — and as a pregnant woman! That’s what we do here at paleo for women, and it’s cool — people are starting to really like it.
Maybe I’ll start a blog —twelveapplesaday.com.
Which is related to a thought I’ve been having for a long time and got magnified at paleo fx. I’ll write about it soon but here’s a teaser: I suspect the paleo diet’s infatuation with fat with some day be debunked. Of course it’s still valid, obviously. But for weight loss, I think low fat diets might also have some merit if some people don’t like low carb. And for people without insulin derangement — well. We have this whole idea — “sugar burners” versus “fat burners.” Bullshit, I say! Our bodies burn fuel when they get it regardless of what type it is. More on this later.
And finally, a question: what the hell is this all for, anyway? A big piece of my apathy about paleo fx was the redundancy of it all. I know what a paleo diet is. The vast majority of the people at the conference did, too. So what were we doing there? What were we chasing? Why were people going to talks all day about the paleo diet? I’m not 100 percent sure, but I think it largely has to do with identity and love. People love this diet — I don’t blame them — it radically changes lives — but I also think there can be problematic things about that. We get over-invested in it. We identify with it. We try to find purpose in it. But the thing is — and this is something I feel very strongly about and will write more on soon —
The paleo diet is just a diet.
There. I said it.
I know I talked about community and love and such a lot in this post. And it’s true — I love what the paleosphere has got going for it. But it is just. a. diet. It’s got lifestyle components, sure. And fitness, sure. But beyond that — why are people so enormously invested in this thing? What I want more than anything is to help people to eat and to love themselves and then to move on. NOT to chase perfect health as a life purpose. To what end are we doing this whole thing? What we want in life is a good life, not a diet masquerading as a good life.
So I love paleo. I love paleo fx. But it does not define me. I am a woman. A philosopher. A health advocate, sure. A dancer. Someone who loves the hell out of living and is doing her damndest to suck the marrow out of life. Someone who tries to lighten the burdens of the world — who walks as much as she can with compassion and empathy and love and joy. You know — all that good stuff. I eat natural things. It’s important. But it doesn’t define me, and learning the difference between those two things has been one of the most important realizations I’ve experienced in the last few months.
Finally — don’t forget about the enormous paleo sale that ends in 72 hours. 38 paleo products for 39 dollars. Holy crap, I say. Holy crap!
Read what I have to say about it here, and also read some reviews of it on the “blog” page.
Great review Stef! Really wish I could have been there, sounds like the women’s panel was awesome. I’m interested to hear your theories on high fat vs high carb paleo? I’ve been trying to shift my macros into a higher carb preference using lots of fruit, tubers, and even drinking orange juice after a long workout. It’s amazing how hard it is to eat higher carb when you’ve been eating low carb for so long. But I think my body needs it. I’m still trying to find my sweet spot but I’m encouraged to hear that you eat lots of fruit. Would love to read a blog post about your macronutrient thoughts sometime! 🙂
“I suspect the paleo diet’s infatuation with fat will some day be debunked. Of course it’s still valid, obviously. But for weight loss, I think low fat diets might also have some merit if some people don’t like low carb. And for people without insulin derangement — well. We have this whole idea — “sugar burners” versus “fat burners.” Bullshit, I say! Our bodies burn fuel when they get it regardless of what type it is. More on this later.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I had come to my own similar conclusions a couple of months ago and it basically ended in my unsubscribing from every single paleo blog out there, except Paleo for Women, because I was sick and tired of the dogma that was starting to make me feel bad if I ate too many carbs, liked fruit, didn’t consume a bucket load of lard and bacon every day, etc. I think different things work for different people and ultimately, we need to find the right combination for ourselves. I look forward to you writing more on these ideas in the future.
I disagree. I do think Paleo is a lifestyle. It is much much more than “just a diet” for me. I protect my sleep, make my own toothpaste, and am more mindful of how my environment affects my body. It’s gotten to be very popular lately to diss Paleo. There’s a “all-the-cool-kids-don’t-need-rules” vibe going around on many different blogs. Well, whatever. I just know how following Paleo has changed my life and how I have paid that forward and helped others. And I’ll continue to share the info with all who ask what my secret is.
I very much agree with you Cat. It also made me more aware of what’s going on around me. Paleo is certainly about more than food!
I also agree with you, Cat. Actually, as a young woman, I’m kind of surprised at all the womanly rage against the high-fat diet. I tried the “eat more fruit and starch” thing a few months back because it was starting to sound like that was the only way I, a woman, could be healthy. My sleep worsened, my acne flared up, and I had the worst PMS since even before I started Paleo. So I switched back to high fat, high vegetable. I even take unplanned fasts on the weekend, another thing supposedly women aren’t supposed to be good at.
I absolutely feel my best eating meat, veg, and fat. One size doesn’t fit all, of course, but I feel like there’s a definite difference between people on the Paleo diet because it’s “a diet” and the people for whom this is the last resort to a health problem that nothing else has solved, and use all the tools, exercise, sleep, stress reduction, and eating well, to achieve amazing health.
Yes, Paleo does define me. It made me lose 18 lbs. so far and that has defined my moods, my well being and more. I feel better, no more creaky aches in my body. It makes me think twice before I put anything in my mouth. It defines me everytime I eat out with friends as I choose different menu items than the “norm”. I hope my blood counts are good when I finally have them checked after 4 mon. with this “lifestyle change” that has been so good for me. Paleo woman sounds depressed, sometimes people need change and maybe she needs one. It was be hard to think about it all the time and have to write about it and develop recipes etc. Take a break get refreshed.
Stefani. I think you must be reading my mind, and I certainly have been reading your blog! I did a Whole30 in January and totally bought into the whole high-fat, restricted carbs mentality… I started to feel like a failure when I ate a banana, when I had sugar cravings, etc. And I started binging. Whenever I binged on something (almonds, coconut flakes, etc.) I cut it out.
Then I realized I was capable of binging on ANYTHING, even coconut flour. Blech.
The problem comes from restriction, and I went from my pre-paleo state of being able to eat a square of chocolate, to eating the whole BAR of chocolate for fear of being put back in “diet prison.”
Oh, I’ve also gained almost 10lbs! Great. I still believe in eating whole foods, but I don’t think it should be a fight with your brain/body. I’m slowly allowing myself to eat what I want, when I want it, and hoping that /eventually/ my body will realize I’m not going to put it in jail again, so it can enjoy a small bit of whatever non-paleo food I’m having, knowing that it won’t be gone forever tomorrow.
If I want 12 apples tomorrow, I might have 12 apples. 🙂 Thanks for your insights. This is all a strange and enlightening journey, but we’re all bound to have the occasional misstep. This, too, might be one, but it also might be a necessary part. Good luck!
This blog keeps paleo real for me. I have an active Eating Disorder and I want to read about the stuff you write about Stefani. About food of course, but about self-nurture, health, hormones and what it means to be a woman on this Earth. If anyone wants to eat 12 apples a day, that sounds fantastic. 12 apples is not 12 processed apple pies. It bothers me that paleo is deemed by some as low-card, it is not. My goal is to learn what my body wants to eat. If I knew it was 12 apples then I’d eat them, at the moment I have no idea and am fighting obsessive restricting. I like fruit, but paleo blogs have made me slightly afraid of it. So maybe today I’ll start with one apple. Thank you for speaking out.
I was at the panel and I had a good laugh over the apple comment. I later saw that Kefir (not sure about the spelling) guy speak and what I got from his message was that I would blow up if I eat carbs with my breakfast. I look, feel and perform better if I have a well-rounded breakfast with all the macros. If I just eat bacon and eggs, for instance, I’m hungry again pretty quickly. It’s like the old days of eating oatmeal for me. But throw in a little fruit-sweet potato casserole and I COULD probably go without lunch. It fills me up. So I don’t fully buy the low carb thing either…not for me. I think for some people it works. People need to quit trying to copy whatever Paleo expert and find what works for them. I even run a Paleo recipe website and on my home page I am not apologetic about my use of carbs. I’m an athlete. I find carbs useful for muscle building, maintenance, recovery and endurance – as useful as I find protein for the same things.
And to your point about fat…I think it is really hard to eat high fat and keep your Omegas in balance. I see Paleo people snacking on nuts on top of nuts on top of nuts – that’s a lot of Omega 6’s. I try to really be careful with the Omega-6’s. I make a conscious effort to avoid gluten, but I’m not crying if I get “contaminated”, however I really try to watch my Omegas. Again, the message is finding what works for the individual.
I applaud you for being unique in your life and your message!
Great post, loved it. I like the description that someone, somewhere, wrote about paleo – it’s ‘looking at health through an evolutionary lens’. I agree the approach to food should not be about macronutrients so much as it is about food quality and quantity. There is no ‘one’ approach to food for everyone, and different populations (subclinical, ‘healthy’, clinical) will fare better on a different composition of essentially the same minimally processed foods. PS I love apples. And in fact, always buy two when I only really want one – just in case I get a ‘crapple.’
Loved this review. Love your writing and your perspective. Love your podcast. Just when you gave up caring about impressing strangers with your paleo-ness . . . I’m totally impressed. You are a wonderful addition to my life. And I feel good instead of bad about my apples today. Bless you and your work Stefani!
This becomes all too over complicated and there are no panaceas. You need to find what works for you. If the weight is coming off with low carbs, numbers are good and you’re feeling fine then ok, otherwise adjust. Personally speaking, low carbs works for me and I enjoy it so I’m not anxious. Life is great! I can’t say that for anyone else, but it you’re obese you’re probably already unhappy and you have nothing to lose by trying low carbs for a 6 weeks to see how you get on.